Servant Heart

A friend asked me last week, "When was the last fight you had, and what was it about?" I answered that I had argued with my mom about her not giving an opinion on how to pack my futon mattress into my car the day I left for Nashville. Within minutes, if not seconds, I realized my error in imposing unreal, unfair expectations on my mother, who has been more self-sacrificing on my behalf than anyone in this world. I quickly found her, explained/apologized in humility, compassion and repentance what was going on in my head and heart (which was in no way acceptable- for her or anyone else), and asked for her forgiveness, which she gave willingly. I still wounded her, and it would have been better to have exercised patience and compassion from the beginning.

I realize I am making this sound like a big deal. In most families, this sort of thing is entirely normal. People tear each other down to get what they want and things resume as normal. This is NOT what I am called to do as a member of the Body of Christ. Christ died for selfish actions such as this, and I am walking and talking today because of the grace I have received. I have been given freedom to act in love because I know Love.

While eating lunch today, I found and listened to the sermon podcast from this past Sunday's service at Journey Church in Franklin, TN. It hits some really hard issues with regard to sex, addiction, confession, grace and redemption. (You can take a listen here.) Near the end, the guest pastor/teacher speaks about the difference between love and lust. Love desires the other's good and gives generously, while lust takes and takes.

Using this definition, I would argue that many aspects of life can be defined in terms of love and lust- beyond the traditional husband-wife relationship. My initial reaction to my mother on moving day was one of lust. I required of her that she give an opinion, yet did not consider her best interest (until I had inflicted a bit of an emotional blow and my eyes were reopened). What could have been a moment for me to reaffirm her love and self in general became a selfish opportunity to take a part of her sense of self and confidence away. Essentially, I was momentarily lustful for power and lashed out in pursuit of this false god. This is the opposite of what my God teaches about living in community. We are to give what is in our power to give. To serve in the capacity we are gifted to serve. We are to seek the other's good and trust that our own needs will also be taken care of. (Just think if everyone behaved in this way!!!)

My goal for this week at "home" is to act on opportunities to love rather than lust. To serve over being served. To genuinely seek out needs around me and meet them. What greater joy is there?