Hello.
As I mentioned in The Hard Things, I have been called to a new place with a new purpose, and that means saying goodbye to the old place. This is painful.
Today I told another student I was leaving. I also got together with the person who was hired to be my replacement to fill her in on the job she will be doing this school year. This is heart-wrenching.
Leaving is something I've never experienced. When people become Christians as adults, they seem to have an old life vs. new life change. I believed when I was five. It has been a process- gradual, not sudden. When I "left" for college, that was the norm, no matter where you went. You were expected to leave. And I basically stayed when I left, because I went across the river for school. After college, I came right back. Now that I have had a "good" job, it is expected that I stay, yet I am leaving.
Temptation: To feel like I made a mistake. To stay in Fargo. To refrain from severing any ties to this area. To apologize for leaving. To say I'm "trying it" for a year and I might be back. To beg for my job back. To not tell anyone else, lest I cause them pain too. To become scared and distracted and not fulfill my purpose in TN.
But that would be wrong to act on those. God has made it clear, and I need not please anyone (including myself) but Him. I am His vessel, and my purpose is simply how He chooses to use me. Right now, I need to be used by Him in Nashville. Maintaining life in Fargo as I know it will hinder me from doing the task at hand. I knew it wouldn't be easy. But it will be worth it. And no apology is needed.
In addition, God uses some people's goodbyes to open doors for other people. The person who will be replacing me is strikingly...like...me. She needed a job, and God provided an opportunity for her. My leaving meant good for her. It will mean new beginnings for my students. New opportunities for those who need. And maybe, someday, I will find a new opportunity to serve because God called someone to leave. This is his blessing. I am not leaving and going toward nothing. I am obeying the call, trusting that I am moving toward something.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Fruit vs. Thorns
Mark 4:18-20 (ESV)
And others are the ones sown among thorns. They are those who hear the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. But those that were sown on the good soil are the ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.
This is serious stuff.
Two nights ago, I was hanging out with a couple of good friends on our way to the Pyrotechnics Guild International Convention Finale. For those unfamiliar with this event, it is a week-long celebration of fireworks that comes to West Fargo, ND once every four years, with four public displays. A storm came in shortly before the show was due to start, and my friends began to speak of going to heaven during a fireworks display. My immediate reaction was...huh?... there's so much I have to do here to further the kingdom...have I really ordered my life such that I can and am bearing fruit? What if I haven't... OH! You mean the second coming of Christ? Yeah, that would be amazing.
Whoa. Probably not the right initial reaction.
You see, it got me thinking about bearing fruit, and I had just read this passage in Mark earlier that day. What is it that I have been asked to do? What opportunities have I had to grow stronger and bear fruit for the harvest? Remember what happened to the fig tree that did not bear fruit? (Matt. 21:18-19) What do I do and how do I feel when I try to grow plants and herbs that do not bear fruit? What are they good for without their fruit? If I am bearing fruit, is it good or bad? After all, we also read, "by their fruit you will know them." (Matt 7:19-20)
In this season of life, I am finding an abundance of thorns that threaten the word planted in me. There are distractions abounding that include things as simple as Facebook or sleep. The desire to press on and practice new skills on my violin are sometimes fleeting. It is easy to fear lack of finances and other benefits to having a normal, safe job. It is easier to fear what people think of my leaving a "good job." It is easy to want things like a husband or a vacation or a new wardrobe or a cello. It is easy to choose sleep over the paperwork I need to complete. It is easy to choose fear over action when seeking out audition opportunities. It is easy to succumb to the vices of jealousy for others' talent, direction, connections and attention. In order to have good soil to yield good fruit, we need to clear away some thorns.
Growing fruit is hard, and sometimes you have to hunt well for good fruit. Even at a grocery store. It may not be prominently displayed, but it is there, and it is good. You often have to test it. If it looks good, it may not smell or feel good. Or it might be amazing. I want to bear fruit that is pleasing to my Master. Even if it is not prominently displayed, it makes the fruit no less good. To grow it, I may have to allow some branches to be cut off, but it will only strengthen me and better the fruit in the end.
To conclude, I do often long for heaven. Whenever I feel the pain or lack of reality in a commercial culture, I long to be set free from it and rejoice that there will be such a day for the ultimate reality and love. Today, my job is to work hard with what I have been given to properly tend the soil of my soul and bear fruit in the best way I can, so I might not be ashamed. So, friends, go today and cultivate your garden. Bear fruit so we may someday partake in the joy of the harvest!
And others are the ones sown among thorns. They are those who hear the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. But those that were sown on the good soil are the ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.
This is serious stuff.
Two nights ago, I was hanging out with a couple of good friends on our way to the Pyrotechnics Guild International Convention Finale. For those unfamiliar with this event, it is a week-long celebration of fireworks that comes to West Fargo, ND once every four years, with four public displays. A storm came in shortly before the show was due to start, and my friends began to speak of going to heaven during a fireworks display. My immediate reaction was...huh?... there's so much I have to do here to further the kingdom...have I really ordered my life such that I can and am bearing fruit? What if I haven't... OH! You mean the second coming of Christ? Yeah, that would be amazing.
Whoa. Probably not the right initial reaction.
You see, it got me thinking about bearing fruit, and I had just read this passage in Mark earlier that day. What is it that I have been asked to do? What opportunities have I had to grow stronger and bear fruit for the harvest? Remember what happened to the fig tree that did not bear fruit? (Matt. 21:18-19) What do I do and how do I feel when I try to grow plants and herbs that do not bear fruit? What are they good for without their fruit? If I am bearing fruit, is it good or bad? After all, we also read, "by their fruit you will know them." (Matt 7:19-20)
In this season of life, I am finding an abundance of thorns that threaten the word planted in me. There are distractions abounding that include things as simple as Facebook or sleep. The desire to press on and practice new skills on my violin are sometimes fleeting. It is easy to fear lack of finances and other benefits to having a normal, safe job. It is easier to fear what people think of my leaving a "good job." It is easy to want things like a husband or a vacation or a new wardrobe or a cello. It is easy to choose sleep over the paperwork I need to complete. It is easy to choose fear over action when seeking out audition opportunities. It is easy to succumb to the vices of jealousy for others' talent, direction, connections and attention. In order to have good soil to yield good fruit, we need to clear away some thorns.
Growing fruit is hard, and sometimes you have to hunt well for good fruit. Even at a grocery store. It may not be prominently displayed, but it is there, and it is good. You often have to test it. If it looks good, it may not smell or feel good. Or it might be amazing. I want to bear fruit that is pleasing to my Master. Even if it is not prominently displayed, it makes the fruit no less good. To grow it, I may have to allow some branches to be cut off, but it will only strengthen me and better the fruit in the end.
To conclude, I do often long for heaven. Whenever I feel the pain or lack of reality in a commercial culture, I long to be set free from it and rejoice that there will be such a day for the ultimate reality and love. Today, my job is to work hard with what I have been given to properly tend the soil of my soul and bear fruit in the best way I can, so I might not be ashamed. So, friends, go today and cultivate your garden. Bear fruit so we may someday partake in the joy of the harvest!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I did it! Finally!
Good afternoon, all!
Thanks to some good accountability and help from my brother and his friends, I cleaned out my last remaining classroom space and turned in my keys. It was surprisingly easy and immensely freeing. There's definitely no turning back now! I'm experiencing that peace that transcends all understanding, bit by bit. For whatever reason, hard as it is to say goodbyes to beloved students and colleagues, there is everything right about the move I am making.
God is taking care of the details in amazing ways. I am speaking of where I will be living in Tennessee. The situation is astonishing in the best of ways. I found this place via Twitter, of all things. A person/acquaintance I follow re-tweeted someone's tweet about needing trustworthy Christian roommates in the Nashville area this fall. Hmm... That alone caught my attention, as I had just begun my search for living accommodations in the area.
I inquired and received a response right away. The price was right, although the location was a bit out of the way from Nashville itself. Upon doing a bit of research, I found that the location is actually AMAZING due to its proximity to not one, but three school districts, availing me the opportunity to substitute teach and/or teach lessons. It is not IN Nashville, which affords me some peace and focus (AKA- Reality vs. the lack of in the big city of Nashville where Music Industry is the reigning king), but it is close enough to be readily available for auditions, ministry and gigging. Also, it is 25-30 min. from my relatives in the area.
As if that wasn't good enough, it is my dream home. Truly. Since I was a little girl, THIS is the house I have pictured. Brick (SO smart), white trim, pillars, and just outside of town. Not too huge, but not teeny either. One can see the stars clearly there. It has a porch. It has a PORCH!!! Um...can you say, fresh squeezed lemonade + a wonderful book, enjoying God and His creation? Or a gathering of good friends, just talking and looking at the stars? Sigh. And I knew nothing of this when I began to inquire, but it has unfolded into what is really the perfect situation for me at this time. Did I mention it has a breakfast nook*?!?
I will not be moving until the end of September because I have to tie up my loose ends in Fargo, and the house is undergoing a few repairs and renovations. I cannot help but consider John 14 1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
A place is being prepared here too. So I may effectively follow, serve and grow. I praise God for this sense of anticipation and for the encouragements I am receiving by the day. May I not forget to work hard at everything I do nor fear the hard things I must yet do!
*Breakfast nook: Not to be confused with Nook, the ebook reader from Barnes and Noble. We are speaking of THE ultimate test of a good living space.
Thanks to some good accountability and help from my brother and his friends, I cleaned out my last remaining classroom space and turned in my keys. It was surprisingly easy and immensely freeing. There's definitely no turning back now! I'm experiencing that peace that transcends all understanding, bit by bit. For whatever reason, hard as it is to say goodbyes to beloved students and colleagues, there is everything right about the move I am making.
God is taking care of the details in amazing ways. I am speaking of where I will be living in Tennessee. The situation is astonishing in the best of ways. I found this place via Twitter, of all things. A person/acquaintance I follow re-tweeted someone's tweet about needing trustworthy Christian roommates in the Nashville area this fall. Hmm... That alone caught my attention, as I had just begun my search for living accommodations in the area.
I inquired and received a response right away. The price was right, although the location was a bit out of the way from Nashville itself. Upon doing a bit of research, I found that the location is actually AMAZING due to its proximity to not one, but three school districts, availing me the opportunity to substitute teach and/or teach lessons. It is not IN Nashville, which affords me some peace and focus (AKA- Reality vs. the lack of in the big city of Nashville where Music Industry is the reigning king), but it is close enough to be readily available for auditions, ministry and gigging. Also, it is 25-30 min. from my relatives in the area.
As if that wasn't good enough, it is my dream home. Truly. Since I was a little girl, THIS is the house I have pictured. Brick (SO smart), white trim, pillars, and just outside of town. Not too huge, but not teeny either. One can see the stars clearly there. It has a porch. It has a PORCH!!! Um...can you say, fresh squeezed lemonade + a wonderful book, enjoying God and His creation? Or a gathering of good friends, just talking and looking at the stars? Sigh. And I knew nothing of this when I began to inquire, but it has unfolded into what is really the perfect situation for me at this time. Did I mention it has a breakfast nook*?!?
I will not be moving until the end of September because I have to tie up my loose ends in Fargo, and the house is undergoing a few repairs and renovations. I cannot help but consider John 14 1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
A place is being prepared here too. So I may effectively follow, serve and grow. I praise God for this sense of anticipation and for the encouragements I am receiving by the day. May I not forget to work hard at everything I do nor fear the hard things I must yet do!
*Breakfast nook: Not to be confused with Nook, the ebook reader from Barnes and Noble. We are speaking of THE ultimate test of a good living space.
Monday, August 8, 2011
God and Money
This one will be quick.
Have you ever worried? Yeah. Me too.
Last week, the thermostat light came on my car, which has happened a couple of times in the past, but it turned off simply by shutting the car off and starting it again. Except this time. It stayed on, so I quickly came home from my EARLY morning bakery shift to check my VW manual. Everything there warned me to take it in ASAP or risk totally ruining my engine. After a phone call to my older brother, Jason, I decided I better make an appointment to take it in.
I hoped and prayed this wouldn't cost me much, as insurance is due this month for the car and I have had several unexpected bills and such this summer. I was really hoping to meet my savings goal for living in TN for a year. Frugally, yes, but definitely able to eat, sleep, breathe and maybe even drive to an audition or two. An unforeseen mechanic bill did not make me feel terribly overjoyed.
I wrote the check for the cracked cooling system tank(?) and labor(it was, at least $15-30 cheaper than I was originally quoted), knowing this was less than a whole new engine AND system later on, trusting God to make the finances work out. I arrived home, a little disappointed, but glad for a working vehicle which will once again take me to my new home in the South. I checked the mail, and there it was. A check I did not expect. Apparently, I was due a tax refund, and mistakes were fixed- in my favor! Aside from feeling like I just drew a good Monopoly card, I was overcome by the faithfulness of God. Despite my doubt, despite my sin and rebellion, He saw my need and provided for it. I have no need for worry in this or any other situation. God has been very good to me!
Have you ever worried? Yeah. Me too.
Last week, the thermostat light came on my car, which has happened a couple of times in the past, but it turned off simply by shutting the car off and starting it again. Except this time. It stayed on, so I quickly came home from my EARLY morning bakery shift to check my VW manual. Everything there warned me to take it in ASAP or risk totally ruining my engine. After a phone call to my older brother, Jason, I decided I better make an appointment to take it in.
I hoped and prayed this wouldn't cost me much, as insurance is due this month for the car and I have had several unexpected bills and such this summer. I was really hoping to meet my savings goal for living in TN for a year. Frugally, yes, but definitely able to eat, sleep, breathe and maybe even drive to an audition or two. An unforeseen mechanic bill did not make me feel terribly overjoyed.
I wrote the check for the cracked cooling system tank(?) and labor(it was, at least $15-30 cheaper than I was originally quoted), knowing this was less than a whole new engine AND system later on, trusting God to make the finances work out. I arrived home, a little disappointed, but glad for a working vehicle which will once again take me to my new home in the South. I checked the mail, and there it was. A check I did not expect. Apparently, I was due a tax refund, and mistakes were fixed- in my favor! Aside from feeling like I just drew a good Monopoly card, I was overcome by the faithfulness of God. Despite my doubt, despite my sin and rebellion, He saw my need and provided for it. I have no need for worry in this or any other situation. God has been very good to me!
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Hard Things
Happy August!
Sort of...
August has always been the month to prepare for and anticipate the coming school year. In conversations with teacher friends of mine, I find myself saying things like "Well, that's the kind of teacher I strive to be," and "When I plan for my classes I..." It makes it so strange for this to be the first year in my entire recollection of being alive that I haven't had a school year to look forward to. And this makes me the slightest bit uncomfortable.
You see, I love school. I always have. That's a big part of why I became a teacher. I love school supplies and new beginnings and looking for deals on potential additions to my professional wardrobe. I love students and brick buildings with newly waxed floors and filling empty classrooms with posters of music propaganda. I love the camaraderie of staff and the great big meetings followed by professional development. I love the feeling that I am one year better than I used to be.
I left all of that. Willingly. Am I crazy? (don't forget benefits and "job security"...)
This blog is called "The Importance of Being Foolish." I do not intend to disappoint :)
Matthew 19:29 says this:
And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.
The context of this verse deals with Jesus telling his disciples how difficult it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God without God himself working in them. The disciples literally left everything- jobs, families, and the futures they had dreamed for themselves. In other words, they not only left their livelihoods, but also the potential to grow wealthy and comfortable and probably the opinions of community and family members. I'm sure a dental plan or two was sacrificed in the process. Simply put, they were called by Jesus and responded immediately.
Matthew 4:20 says At once they left their nets and followed him. That would be the equivalent of a teacher walking out of a school building during the first or second class of the morning with no explanation besides, "Jesus called me." Can you imagine the response? Especially to someone who claims to be a Christian? Christians are supposed to have things planned out, should always persevere in their field of work and should never leave anything undone, right? They certainly aren't supposed to make spur-of-the-moment life-altering decisions that impact family, friends and future? Or are they?
The way I see it is that Jesus' disciples had been doing exactly what they were called to do as career men and business apprentices. Until they were called to something else.
I believe I have been called to something else. God is not above speaking my language, and I cannot mistake the call to "Go." Whenever I lose focus, I begin to feel crazy, alone and worried that I was wrong. When my eyes are back on Him, I am so totally excited to give all I am to minister through my music and other gifts.
To those of you who teach or program or work in whatever field you work in, that is your ministry for now. Do it with everything you are, but, as one brother in Christ advised me, if you have doubts about where you are and what you are doing (not anxious/worried doubts, but doubts placed in your heart that tell you there is something else you should be doing), listen. You will never be sorry you responded to the calling of the Holy Spirit. This is my reality, and God is my treasure. May He be yours as well.
Peace.
Sort of...
August has always been the month to prepare for and anticipate the coming school year. In conversations with teacher friends of mine, I find myself saying things like "Well, that's the kind of teacher I strive to be," and "When I plan for my classes I..." It makes it so strange for this to be the first year in my entire recollection of being alive that I haven't had a school year to look forward to. And this makes me the slightest bit uncomfortable.
You see, I love school. I always have. That's a big part of why I became a teacher. I love school supplies and new beginnings and looking for deals on potential additions to my professional wardrobe. I love students and brick buildings with newly waxed floors and filling empty classrooms with posters of music propaganda. I love the camaraderie of staff and the great big meetings followed by professional development. I love the feeling that I am one year better than I used to be.
I left all of that. Willingly. Am I crazy? (don't forget benefits and "job security"...)
This blog is called "The Importance of Being Foolish." I do not intend to disappoint :)
Matthew 19:29 says this:
And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.
The context of this verse deals with Jesus telling his disciples how difficult it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God without God himself working in them. The disciples literally left everything- jobs, families, and the futures they had dreamed for themselves. In other words, they not only left their livelihoods, but also the potential to grow wealthy and comfortable and probably the opinions of community and family members. I'm sure a dental plan or two was sacrificed in the process. Simply put, they were called by Jesus and responded immediately.
Matthew 4:20 says At once they left their nets and followed him. That would be the equivalent of a teacher walking out of a school building during the first or second class of the morning with no explanation besides, "Jesus called me." Can you imagine the response? Especially to someone who claims to be a Christian? Christians are supposed to have things planned out, should always persevere in their field of work and should never leave anything undone, right? They certainly aren't supposed to make spur-of-the-moment life-altering decisions that impact family, friends and future? Or are they?
The way I see it is that Jesus' disciples had been doing exactly what they were called to do as career men and business apprentices. Until they were called to something else.
I believe I have been called to something else. God is not above speaking my language, and I cannot mistake the call to "Go." Whenever I lose focus, I begin to feel crazy, alone and worried that I was wrong. When my eyes are back on Him, I am so totally excited to give all I am to minister through my music and other gifts.
To those of you who teach or program or work in whatever field you work in, that is your ministry for now. Do it with everything you are, but, as one brother in Christ advised me, if you have doubts about where you are and what you are doing (not anxious/worried doubts, but doubts placed in your heart that tell you there is something else you should be doing), listen. You will never be sorry you responded to the calling of the Holy Spirit. This is my reality, and God is my treasure. May He be yours as well.
Peace.
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