It's amazing how, when focused on other things, God shifts our focus.
Much like the two-year-old who hears his parents' guiding words, but is still intent on pressing his boundaries, I am sure I often do the same thing with God.
I get busy doing my own thing. It may or may not carry fulfillment with it, but my eyes are diverted from my Father. I want to do this other thing first- even if only to press my boundaries. For me, this often comes in the form of cooking or Facebook. I know I need to practice. I love to practice, but I often avoid that thing that I was made for. This makes no sense. Tell me if you have the answer!
So, today, as I was searching for the password to my website so I can do some much-overdue updates, I found something potentially more valuable.
You see, I always keep a small notebook with me to jot down directions, recipes, shopping lists, sermon notes, and the occasional prayer. As I was getting frustrated that the thing I was looking for was not where I thought it was, I found this:
1/22/11
"Response. Thinking about Jesus on the cross. Would I associate with Him despite His seemingly low position at that time? Would I own the man on the cross? Would I face His fate for associating with Him or would I pass it off as His burden, not mine? What is wrong with my spiritual state if I do not own this man of sorrows, who, enduring the worst is MY greatest lover and advocate? LORD, may I make you mine in my heart. I am and will always be yours.
Love, Kelly"
How perfectly appropriate for today, Good Friday. To be confronted with the person of Christ. Not his benefits (although they are great). Not tradition, nor community, nor good works. Just Christ.
My friend-
Who will always speak the truth, never lie to me, and never grows weary.
My lover-
Who will never forsake me.
My God-
Who will never leave me.
My Savior-
Who died to bring me near.
Praise God. I am rich because He became poor- who, in so doing, gained us as His inheritance. Is there anything more beautiful and profound?
Friday, March 29, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
He Hears Me
Hello Friends!
It's March already, and with it, the first signs of Spring. (In other words, I have waited a long time to blog again!)
A quick recap of life at this point:
January: LOTS of travel and playing my fill of Symphony gigs. It was great!
February: Entering unknown territory. I knew I wouldn't be playing with the HSO for a bit, and lessons alone could not sustain me.
March: Thanking God for giving direction and encouragement beyond what I knew to ask for!
So, what changed?
God heard my cry. And He has a plan. And He really does love me. And He really does love you. Fiercely, in fact!
In the midst of February, I became so very frustrated that I was not doing what I felt called to do- playing violin, particularly in ministry. I saw so many people near me get sent out to do just this with whatever skill they had been given, but not me. I understand that I have not been playing in bands my whole life, but I do know my instrument and have a good understanding of how music and people work.
I started to flex my spiritual muscles a bit, working on living a healthier life, making sure I spent time hanging out with God on a regular basis, and honing my craft- all in faith. I also invited others to speak into my life, in case I was missing something. God has a tendency to speak through His people. I was expectant and getting ready for whatever, even through frustration and tension.
The result?
God showed up. I got phone calls to play this house show and that recording session. I had questions answered. I was given the opportunity to play again and again. Granted, most of these were not paid gigs, but they were opportunities. Opportunities to play, to build relationship, and to serve in the faith that God has a purpose for my music.
Then, a REALLY exciting opportunity landed in my lap. Exciting because it has been a part of my vision since the beginning of this whole Nashville journey. So, we tracked violin for half a song. Ok. Not even half. We finished an intro and a transition. If the band liked it, we could go forward with the rest, making possibilities of more playing with these and other artists...well...more possible!
I was driving to work out with my amazing ladies at Journey five days later, and my heart was heavy. No. It was in more of a disappointed/confused/frustrated state. The song wasn't done, and the release day was coming up way sooner than I had thought. Was I a part of this or not? I called my mom to help me process this. No answer. I cried out to God, and immediately the Letter Black song, "Believe," came up on my playlist "...Have faith in what you don't know." I stopped. (Literally. I had come to a stop light.) What? All of a sudden, a peace washed over me. I began to tear up. "Sometimes I feel like I have to cry." Whoa. At once, I knew God heard me. He knew all of my emotions and all of my doubts and my future as well. And He spoke to my heart. It changed everything. I knew I was OK no matter what transpired. And what transpired after was getting to finish an amazing song with amazing people the next day. Praise God. What joy!
Unfortunately, it is an ongoing thing, this doubt that God is there and hasn't forgotten little me. But then, crazy things happen. Even when I run and choose to do my own thing, He is there. And He meets me on my level. God is telling me I am safe in His arms, that He has me. No. Matter. What.
Seriously, how great is the love of our Father? It just blows me away. Keep it coming, Lord. :)
It's March already, and with it, the first signs of Spring. (In other words, I have waited a long time to blog again!)
A quick recap of life at this point:
January: LOTS of travel and playing my fill of Symphony gigs. It was great!
February: Entering unknown territory. I knew I wouldn't be playing with the HSO for a bit, and lessons alone could not sustain me.
March: Thanking God for giving direction and encouragement beyond what I knew to ask for!
So, what changed?
God heard my cry. And He has a plan. And He really does love me. And He really does love you. Fiercely, in fact!
In the midst of February, I became so very frustrated that I was not doing what I felt called to do- playing violin, particularly in ministry. I saw so many people near me get sent out to do just this with whatever skill they had been given, but not me. I understand that I have not been playing in bands my whole life, but I do know my instrument and have a good understanding of how music and people work.
I started to flex my spiritual muscles a bit, working on living a healthier life, making sure I spent time hanging out with God on a regular basis, and honing my craft- all in faith. I also invited others to speak into my life, in case I was missing something. God has a tendency to speak through His people. I was expectant and getting ready for whatever, even through frustration and tension.
The result?
God showed up. I got phone calls to play this house show and that recording session. I had questions answered. I was given the opportunity to play again and again. Granted, most of these were not paid gigs, but they were opportunities. Opportunities to play, to build relationship, and to serve in the faith that God has a purpose for my music.
Then, a REALLY exciting opportunity landed in my lap. Exciting because it has been a part of my vision since the beginning of this whole Nashville journey. So, we tracked violin for half a song. Ok. Not even half. We finished an intro and a transition. If the band liked it, we could go forward with the rest, making possibilities of more playing with these and other artists...well...more possible!
I was driving to work out with my amazing ladies at Journey five days later, and my heart was heavy. No. It was in more of a disappointed/confused/frustrated state. The song wasn't done, and the release day was coming up way sooner than I had thought. Was I a part of this or not? I called my mom to help me process this. No answer. I cried out to God, and immediately the Letter Black song, "Believe," came up on my playlist "...Have faith in what you don't know." I stopped. (Literally. I had come to a stop light.) What? All of a sudden, a peace washed over me. I began to tear up. "Sometimes I feel like I have to cry." Whoa. At once, I knew God heard me. He knew all of my emotions and all of my doubts and my future as well. And He spoke to my heart. It changed everything. I knew I was OK no matter what transpired. And what transpired after was getting to finish an amazing song with amazing people the next day. Praise God. What joy!
Unfortunately, it is an ongoing thing, this doubt that God is there and hasn't forgotten little me. But then, crazy things happen. Even when I run and choose to do my own thing, He is there. And He meets me on my level. God is telling me I am safe in His arms, that He has me. No. Matter. What.
Seriously, how great is the love of our Father? It just blows me away. Keep it coming, Lord. :)
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