One Month!

I can hardly believe it! I moved down to TN one month and two days ago. I can't decide whether it feels as if I have been here a few days or a few years. Either way, it is my home for today, and I love it.

This morning, I woke to a stunning, piercingly bright sunrise after two days of wind, rain, cold and gloom. What a beautiful sight! I plan to take some pictures today or tomorrow before heading back to Fargo Tuesday. The colors can take a person's breath away, and I hope not to forget them any time soon.

Things are moving along with the job search. I have been hugely blessed by coming into contact with (for lack of a better term) people who know people. In the music industry, a recommendation carries far more weight than a strong resume from an unconnected person. I am learning, slowly but surely, what I need to change in my approach to this career path to be noticed. Even with resume writing, much of what I need to do is contrary to what I was taught to do as a music educator. I welcome the change. I LOVE the freedom, and I am jumping into the unknown with both feet! (After all, isn't that the ONLY way to jump?)

One of those helping me connect with the right people asked me if I was ready to do this. Ready to go and live this crazy life I see before me. My response? Absolutely. Bring it on. The sooner, the better.

I will conclude with a thought to ponder, as I continue to consider it. God's timing is perfect. He orchestrates all things for the good.* Whether I land a gig tomorrow or a month or two from now is by no mistake. I need only be faithful with the resources I have been given, and I trust that God will bring the right sort of work my way, with the right people at the right time. Although I would like to know what is next and am working toward a goal I may not see completely clearly yet, I am not worried. My God has brought me here, to this point, safe and sound. He has given me no reason not to trust Him with every detail of my future as well.


*I love thinking about life in terms of music. There are so many parallels. In thinking of God orchestrating things for the good of those who love Him, I was reminded of the Shostakovich symphony I am preparing to perform in two weeks. I'll admit Shosty is not my favorite composer to play- or listen to. But he was in no small way a master of his craft. The difficult passages, the dissonance and the often unexpected changes within his masterworks may seem purposeless, confusing and even disagreeable when viewed in certain small sections, yet they all work together to communicate a story. The dissonance leads to resolution, and the resolution carries its significance in direct proportion to the level of dissonance. Beautiful.

Things I love about the South

So, y’all (hehe) knew, if you have been following this blog, I was feeling homesick for Nashville when I came back to Fargo for the Symphony week. Now that I am back in my new hometown, I am happier than I have been in…well…ever! College and Music Camp are close seconds, but with the confirmations I see every day, this is the winner.

Never in a million years did I ever dream of living in the South, except maybe when I was ten and dreamed of living on a horse farm in Kentucky. I had never even visited anything beyond Arlington, VA, TX and Orlando, FL until this past June. I came on faith. I sensed God leading me to the Nashville area, and He is speaking SO very clearly to my heart that this is indeed where I am supposed to be.

So, for your reading enjoyment, I have compiled a list of things I love about being where I am. Some of these are confirmations for me being here, but most are just things that bring joy to my heart as I notice them around me.

· Southern Hospitality- It is alive and well. And probably better than “Minnesota Nice.” Sorry, MN. Having a complete stranger hold the door to Chick-Fil-A open for you as you cross the parking lot from the other end means major points for the South.

· Rolling hills- Ok. I know these exist elsewhere. But they are in my back yard. And front yard. And they are still mostly green. With hay bales and deer and horses and blue jays. HEAVEN. Don’t get me started on the stars here…

· Best. Neighbors. Ever.- I have met only a few of my neighbors, and they are among the kindest people I have met, period. Everyone seems to look out for one another, and I already feel like I know these people better than I have ever gotten to know my neighbors back in Fargo (where I have spent the past 22 years of my life). I am definitely baking pans of cinnamon rolls for them soon (shout out to Ree Drummond, Cinnamon Roll genius).

· Southern Expressions- The creativity is astounding! I need to keep a list of these as I hear them. Nobody seems to use the same expressions, yet they roll out of their mouths with alarming frequency and everyone considers them normal conversation. I laugh- but only because of they way they make perfect sense!

· Faith- At times, it feels over-marketed here, but I have had more than a few conversations with random people here on faith and Bible-related issues, simply because that is what they are talking about. There are LOTS of opportunities to encourage people and learn from them because faith is a very open topic and way of life for many in this area.

· Architecture- Brick everywhere. Big porches. Landscaping with old trees. Fancy horses in front of large plantation-style dwellings. That, and roads are really fun to drive on. What’s not to love?

· Music- Nashville isn’t called Music City for nothing. I have seen more tour busses than I can count and run into more bands and people who work with musicians than anywhere else (besides music festivals) in my life- and I haven’t been here but a couple of weeks! Music is a viable career option, provided you are smart with your finances, and musicians are very interconnected. It is awesome to tell people the reason I have come and be welcomed with open arms- and understanding.

I am sure everyone will want to come and visit now, right? Keep praying about the next thing, career- and networking-wise, as well as developing meaningful, close friendships. I am really loving life here right now!

Viva Nashvegas!

Haha.

Here I am, back in "The Ville," after a nearly sleepless night attempting to catch some Zs in the airport. I had plans of hanging out in the city for the evening- or at least the Mall of America- but those were dashed because Southwest doesn't allow baggage check before 4 hours prior to departure. There are no lockers either, due to security issues. In addition, I decided to forgo staying at my aunt and uncle's place to make things easier on everyone. We'll call my 12 hours at MSP a learning experience. Hopefully not to be duplicated. Oy.

Regardless, I am safe and glad to be back in my new hometown. God took great care of me! For example, yesterday, as I was running errands, there was construction that actually made my trip MORE productive in that it caused me to do things in a more efficient order than I had originally planned. That's a first! Secondly, I never researched baggage weight limits for my two suitcases (which fly free with Southwest- why I chose them for this trip!), and I was sure they were over 50lbs each. I prayed about it, and the two suitcases together weighed 95lbs; 48lbs and 47lbs, respectively. Amazing! Nevermind that I was granted some seriously good God time, reading and praying in the quietness of Humphrey Terminal in the wee hours of the night. God is good. :)

For today, I want to use my time well. I got an inexpensive, yet quite satisfying bite to eat at Dose.[coffee & tea] on the outskirts of the city, where I am writing this now. My original goal was to set up a lunch meeting with a connection I have in the Nashville Symphony, but I have not heard back from her or a few others I would like to speak with. Something to continue to pray about, prayer partners/warriors!

Regardless, I have a free afternoon by myself to spend as I please. I think I'll check out Williams Fine Violins, as it was recommended to me by one of the Nashville Symphony cellists. I have always appreciated the relationship I have developed with luthiers in Fargo and Minneapolis, and I know it will do me well to establish a similar relationship here. From there, perhaps I'll get some groceries or see if there are any good used book stores (I'm a sucker for these...) or unique boutiques to check out.

I am excited to get to know this new home of mine! Time to jump in with both feet!

Prayer items:
* For motivation and direction concerning work in Nashville
* For opportunities to meet with and make valuable contacts
* For the ability to ask the right questions (I have never felt like I was good at asking questions)
* For good fellowship at Village (small group) tonight- that we will be able to build up one another in Christ and grow together as friends
* For fearlessness and discernment in all things. God has proved himself faithful. I must follow.

Servant Heart

A friend asked me last week, "When was the last fight you had, and what was it about?" I answered that I had argued with my mom about her not giving an opinion on how to pack my futon mattress into my car the day I left for Nashville. Within minutes, if not seconds, I realized my error in imposing unreal, unfair expectations on my mother, who has been more self-sacrificing on my behalf than anyone in this world. I quickly found her, explained/apologized in humility, compassion and repentance what was going on in my head and heart (which was in no way acceptable- for her or anyone else), and asked for her forgiveness, which she gave willingly. I still wounded her, and it would have been better to have exercised patience and compassion from the beginning.

I realize I am making this sound like a big deal. In most families, this sort of thing is entirely normal. People tear each other down to get what they want and things resume as normal. This is NOT what I am called to do as a member of the Body of Christ. Christ died for selfish actions such as this, and I am walking and talking today because of the grace I have received. I have been given freedom to act in love because I know Love.

While eating lunch today, I found and listened to the sermon podcast from this past Sunday's service at Journey Church in Franklin, TN. It hits some really hard issues with regard to sex, addiction, confession, grace and redemption. (You can take a listen here.) Near the end, the guest pastor/teacher speaks about the difference between love and lust. Love desires the other's good and gives generously, while lust takes and takes.

Using this definition, I would argue that many aspects of life can be defined in terms of love and lust- beyond the traditional husband-wife relationship. My initial reaction to my mother on moving day was one of lust. I required of her that she give an opinion, yet did not consider her best interest (until I had inflicted a bit of an emotional blow and my eyes were reopened). What could have been a moment for me to reaffirm her love and self in general became a selfish opportunity to take a part of her sense of self and confidence away. Essentially, I was momentarily lustful for power and lashed out in pursuit of this false god. This is the opposite of what my God teaches about living in community. We are to give what is in our power to give. To serve in the capacity we are gifted to serve. We are to seek the other's good and trust that our own needs will also be taken care of. (Just think if everyone behaved in this way!!!)

My goal for this week at "home" is to act on opportunities to love rather than lust. To serve over being served. To genuinely seek out needs around me and meet them. What greater joy is there?

Home Sweet Home (pardon the cliché)

After not two weeks in the Nashville area, I am back in my home town of Fargo, ND. This brings up a world of feelings and realizations that are brand new to me.

First of all, there is the concept of "home." Where is home now? I have moved to Nashville, but do not yet have all of my life established there. I am back in Fargo for just over a week, and it is more than easy to slip into the old routine again with family, friends and work. The only thing is... I don't live here anymore.

There is also the issue of "closure." While I don't think it is absolutely necessary to close all doors in my hometown, it is pertinent that I close some, going on little more than faith that streamlining my goals will yield greater results in the direction I want to go. In other words, a little backup is fine. Too much backup means I can't grow as much where I want to grow or as quickly (one has only so many resources). A risk is needed. Darn it all. I need to get out of this boat!

So where do I find myself at this point? I see that for a short time, I am living parallel lives. I can jump from one to the other, but there will come a point, probably very soon, where I need to choose one 100%. All signs point to choosing Nashville, even though I still don't have a job. This is highly motivating, yet I am still afraid of disappointing- of meeting up with important people and letting them down by not being good enough. I shouldn't worry because I have a peace and reassurance from the Lord. End of discussion. There will be something if I take what I have been given and use it faithfully. In His way and His timing. After all, what do I have that has not been given to me?

With that, I'll conclude with lyrics to one of my favorite songs, period. "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman (highlighting mine):

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I walk to the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things You told me
That You are strong
And You love me
Yes, You love me

(Chorus 4x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

It's OK not to know everything right now!

As I was working on some networking points and revamping my resume, I came across this message my orchestra conductor from college delivered during a chapel service. It is an excellent illustration of the commands we are given vs. ones we often impose on ourselves. The truth is, no matter what we know or don't know regarding the future and plans, we will be fine if we pursue each moment with faithfulness and careful listening to the nudgings of the Holy Spirit. Enjoy.

Bruce Houglum, Associate Professor, Music; Conductor, The Concordia Orchestra

Psalm 37:3-9

3. "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. 4. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. 6. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgement as the noonday. 7. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him; fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. 8. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. 9. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth.

Trust in The Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires.

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.

He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper - it lonely leads to harm.

For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

Good morning!

I come to you today, speaking in chapel with more than a little fear and trepidation. Because here at Concordia, most of the time I say very little and often I can be found waving my arms wildly in the direction of a group of students. And sometimes I do this in public but with my back turned to the them I am mostly used to expressing myself by means of small black dots on the page that somehow transmit themselves to musical sounds. And these sounds have as little as possible to do with words - no offence to my choir colleagues. From today's scripture reading: "Trust in the Lord and do good, so shall you dwell in the land and shall be fed. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way unto the Lord, trust in Him and He shall bring it to pass. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not; those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth."

This year as I teach in my last year at Concordia, in conversation, people often ask:

"What will you do after you leave Concordia? What are your plans? " This is by far the biggest topic that people confront me with these days as I prepare to retire after being around here in some capacity for the past 38 years, plus five more elsewhere and four more before that, when I was a student here at the college.

My answer is always the same: "I don't know". I suppose that might be a fairly common answer among those contemplating retirement from something that has pretty much totally occupied them for so long. Many people have said "you have to have a plan, you have to know ahead of time what is going to keep you from going crazy with all of the extra time and change in responsibility." Indeed, even my medical doctor has been adamant. He says: "get it all planned out, I see too many people with mental and physical problems sitting alone when their careers are over". I can see their point. While I am looking forward to being done with work, I have truly enjoyed my time at Concordia. Many times I have collected my check at the end of the month and thought: "What?, I get paid for this too?" The students, oh the wonderful students, I easily remember each of them even from many years ago and many I still hear from regularly and count as friends and colleagues. I cannot imagine a better crowd to work with - what a privilege. And my colleagues in the music department and across the campus - the best! And the opportunity to prepare and perform the masterpieces of musical literature at such a high level - to communicate with the masters on a daily basis, I suppose you could say, (any would be conductor would probably give their right arm for a similar opportunity in this job market for musicians. So I can understand where everyone is coming from. However, I am not worried in the least. Psalm 37: Trust in the Lord and do good, so shall you dwell in the land and shall be fed. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way unto the Lord, trust in Him and He shall bring it to pass. Those that wait on the Lord, they shall inherit the earth. It sounds pretty simple. I have tried to live by those verses from Psalm 37 for many years and it has made all the difference. Key words: Commands, if you will. Trust in the Lord. Delight yourself in the Lord. Commit your way to the Lord. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently. Don't fret or be angry. Wait upon the Lord. But you see, each of those commands comes with a promise: Trust in the Lord and you shall dwell in the land and be fed. (Always a good thing when contemplating retirement.) Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart (my goodness). Commit your way, and trust, and He will bring it to pass. Those that rest in the Lord and wait patiently shall inherit the earth. Pretty big promises for such simple commands.

Many years ago when Dr. J. Robert Hanson retired as conductor of the Concordia Orchestra, several people (including myself) encouraged me to apply for the position. These verses from Psalm 37 were going to be put to another test. As I had committed my way to the Lord years before, I felt that I was then in the right place concerning my vocation and I wondered if this was something I should pursue.

So I committed it to the Lord, trusted in Him, waited on Him and listened real hard.

It became clear rather quickly that this was not something for me to do. I should mention at this point, that over time, I noticed that when I committed, trusted, rested, etc. in the Lord and listened (waited) real hard, I began to discern subtle but definite signals that I firmly believe are from the Lord. So when I determined that the answer was no I have to admit that I was disappointed, but I tried not to fret and I rested and did the best I could to delight in this what I thought to be a rather curious decision. It turned out that that first search to replace Bob Hanson ended up to be a failed search and the department, in a tough spot for the coming year, approached me out of the blue and wondered if I would consider taking a one year appointment while the search continued a second year. So it was back to committing, trusting, waiting, delighting etc. However, this time as the deadline approached the answer was yes and everything fell easily into place. And still, again, I went through the same process when it came time to apply for the position during the second search. This time the answer was yes and I ended up being the successful candidate. I don't know why the answer to my prayer asking to apply was no in the first place, but, in hindsight, I am pretty sure I wouldn't have been the successful candidate in the first search. It was only in the substitute year, when I had a chance to have a free year proving myself that my value as the next director must have become apparent. I refer to this circumstance only to illustrate why I am reluctant to answer the questions of colleagues, friends and my physician. You see, I am still committing, trusting, waiting (now after many go-arounds with Psalm 37 through all these years) - waiting in delight about what will be next. I believe the promises! Right now I only know that now is the time to retire. And that is remarkable in itself because I have found in all of dealings I have had with the Lord that he is never late with his advice but he is never early either. Remarkably this direction to retire came early. (I think he was taking mercy on the music department search committee who are still sifting through more than fifty applications.) So, the point of all of this rambling is The Lord God is a good God, a faithful God who keeps his promises, a benevolent God who I firmly believe has only our best in mind. All he asks of us is to commit, trust, wait, listen, delight, don't fret or be angry.... and In return, He will give us the desires of our heart.

SOLI DEO GLORIA

Connecting and Confirmation

Yesterday, I was invited to attend a worship service at Journey Church in Franklin, TN. I had heard about their awesome commitment to community building through small groups as well as their non-pretentious atmosphere and teaching. I was not disappointed. In fact, there is no doubt in my mind and heart I was in the right place at the right time.

The service began with music, which is something pretty formulaic in most churches I have attended. The opening song was none other than my favorite (or very nearly favorite) song, "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman from Switchfoot. Looking at the people around me, I saw few mouths moving which indicated it was a new song for them. I, however, have introduced this very song to my congregation at Calvary Church at Village Green in Moorhead, MN. I know it and know it well. The second song was Amazing Grace, aka my favorite hymn. Closing songs were "Never Let Go" which I sang and played with the Calvary Praise Band just last Sunday and Gungor's "Beautiful Things." What is Gungor's significance? It is the band with whom I came close to getting an audition in Nashville back in June, per a good friend's (who is well established in the industry) recommendation. God speaks in amazing ways. As if this wasn't enough, the sermon had a focus on jumping off the cliff- courage, adventure, which is where I am at, AND the worship leader was from Willmar, MN and had been in Fargo last week. Hmmm...

I also got to meet up with part of a small group for lunch, which was awesome! I love meeting new people and sharing how God works in our lives. Can't wait to see them and others Tuesday evening. I love this place more and more every day! Praise God!

Agenda today is to alert the masses to my being in Nashville. Here we go!