Hello Friends!
It's March already, and with it, the first signs of Spring. (In other words, I have waited a long time to blog again!)
A quick recap of life at this point:
January: LOTS of travel and playing my fill of Symphony gigs. It was great!
February: Entering unknown territory. I knew I wouldn't be playing with the HSO for a bit, and lessons alone could not sustain me.
March: Thanking God for giving direction and encouragement beyond what I knew to ask for!
So, what changed?
God heard my cry. And He has a plan. And He really does love me. And He really does love you. Fiercely, in fact!
In the midst of February, I became so very frustrated that I was not doing what I felt called to do- playing violin, particularly in ministry. I saw so many people near me get sent out to do just this with whatever skill they had been given, but not me. I understand that I have not been playing in bands my whole life, but I do know my instrument and have a good understanding of how music and people work.
I started to flex my spiritual muscles a bit, working on living a healthier life, making sure I spent time hanging out with God on a regular basis, and honing my craft- all in faith. I also invited others to speak into my life, in case I was missing something. God has a tendency to speak through His people. I was expectant and getting ready for whatever, even through frustration and tension.
The result?
God showed up. I got phone calls to play this house show and that recording session. I had questions answered. I was given the opportunity to play again and again. Granted, most of these were not paid gigs, but they were opportunities. Opportunities to play, to build relationship, and to serve in the faith that God has a purpose for my music.
Then, a REALLY exciting opportunity landed in my lap. Exciting because it has been a part of my vision since the beginning of this whole Nashville journey. So, we tracked violin for half a song. Ok. Not even half. We finished an intro and a transition. If the band liked it, we could go forward with the rest, making possibilities of more playing with these and other artists...well...more possible!
I was driving to work out with my amazing ladies at Journey five days later, and my heart was heavy. No. It was in more of a disappointed/confused/frustrated state. The song wasn't done, and the release day was coming up way sooner than I had thought. Was I a part of this or not? I called my mom to help me process this. No answer. I cried out to God, and immediately the Letter Black song, "Believe," came up on my playlist "...Have faith in what you don't know." I stopped. (Literally. I had come to a stop light.) What? All of a sudden, a peace washed over me. I began to tear up. "Sometimes I feel like I have to cry." Whoa. At once, I knew God heard me. He knew all of my emotions and all of my doubts and my future as well. And He spoke to my heart. It changed everything. I knew I was OK no matter what transpired. And what transpired after was getting to finish an amazing song with amazing people the next day. Praise God. What joy!
Unfortunately, it is an ongoing thing, this doubt that God is there and hasn't forgotten little me. But then, crazy things happen. Even when I run and choose to do my own thing, He is there. And He meets me on my level. God is telling me I am safe in His arms, that He has me. No. Matter. What.
Seriously, how great is the love of our Father? It just blows me away. Keep it coming, Lord. :)
Another prayer that is powerful, is the prayer of Jabez. Chronicles 1 chapter 4 verses 9-10.
ReplyDeleteI had one miraculous event while consecrating on this prayer, while in the hospital. The doctors thought, and a MRI confirmed that one of the tubes in my intestine had moved out of position, and it was critical that it be repositioned. While they were observing and deciding their next move, they were quite sure, that the tube needed to be removed, and then rethreaded through the throat, stomach and back into the intestine.
Even in my weakened state, I remembered what a painful process this had been, originally.
I inwardly prayed NO Lord, and then with deep intent prayed, over and over the prayer of Jabez: "Oh that you would bless me oh Lord, and enlarge my territory. That your hand would be with me and that you would keep me from evil."
Then I heard one Dr. say, "Did you see that?" and the other Dr. said, "how did she do that?" The tube moved, seemingly by itself, exactly into place. One DR said, "Well theirs nothing for us to do here." and they left the room. I bet they had plenty to say when they were out of my earshot.
Keep the faith Kelly and keep doing what you're doing.
Love,
Grandma