Since I moved to Nashville 7 weeks ago, I have spent nearly 3 weeks of that time in Fargo, ND. I just arrived back from my second Symphony week of the year. (For those who may not know, I am planning to play every Masterworks Series concert with the FMSO, as my schedule will allow.)
Upon touching down in Minneapolis on Nov. 2, I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my older brother, driving to Perham, MN, having an amazing dinner cooked by my sister-in-law, playing with my niece and nephew and driving the rest of the way to Fargo with my mom. The next day began at 7:15am working alongside my dear friend, Melinda, and chaperoning a group of students at a music festival all day. Friday through Sunday were completely filled with preparation and production for the Reilly concert and worship at my church in Moorhead, MN. Sunday through Friday I had rehearsals with the FM Symphony Orchestra for concerts on Saturday and Sunday. Not to mention, I also worked a few days at Great Harvest Bread and taught several violin lessons, and I still managed to meet up and hang out with a few close friends. Monday around midnight, I was back home in TN.
One night, my mom mentioned something to the effect of "Oh, of course you are busy," and within hours of her comment, a friend from Symphony remarked that coming back to Fargo meant essentially stepping back into the same exact routine I left. I couldn't help but agree.
Much of my life has been defined by busyness. A carefully crafted schedule. If you wanted to meet up for something as simple as lunch or an hour-long coffee outing, I might have to schedule it weeks in advance. Oftentimes, I would hear people say two things about me: 1) Kelly is really nice and 2) Kelly is a very busy person.
Reflecting on this is fascinating because of the stark contrast my Nashville life has at this point in time. While I have a calendar, it is no longer filled with more notes than I can hope to keep up with. The one thing I seem to have in abundance is TIME - something I can't recall ever having before.
This time thing, while I often feel a bit awkward dealing with it (It is sort of like winning a million dollars when you are used to sacrificing and budgeting every penny carefully to pay everyday bills), is wonderful and perfect for this stage in my life. Three things come to mind: 1) Time to develop solid friendships and connections with others. 2) The ability to say yes to serving opportunies, both at home and elsewhere. 3) Freedom from the strict schedule and time to refocus on my walk in the Lord. I can practice violin, clean, cook, attend a small group, read and catch up with people. There are no barriers to these things- I can do them to my heart's content.
While I do not intend for things to remain as they are indefinitely, schedule-wise, I see God working through the time to redeem it for His purposes. Good things- sometimes unexpected things- have come about simply because I had the time. I desire greatly to lift up those around me, to encourage them, guide them, walk with them. Now I can do that better.
I feel I am living a double life, but I am alright with that for now. I know things will get busy soon enough (it tends to follow me), and while that is a gift, I will gladly receive and use the gift of "free time" effectively how I am led today. I may need to remember this blessing in the future.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Encouragement
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
Above is the chorus to Hillsong's version of "Forever Reign." It is a beautiful song, and you should definitely watch the YouTube video and read the rest of the lyrics at the end of this post.
For those who do not know, I grew up without my father in my life. Yes, he is still walking and talking today, but does not seem to care to forge a relationship with his oldest daughter. I have come to forgive this man in order to have an open door to relationship, but he will not take it...yet.
Because of this man not being there, God has taken a very special place as father in my life. Where my own father was fearful, God was trustworthy and fearless. Where the man was absent, my God was present, indwelling- closer than any person can be or will be. Where I might have been considered a "mistake," God adopted me, calling me to a purpose, and that is where I stand today.
Not only has God given me Himself, but He has provided me with incredible testimonies of what Godly men look like who have taken on parts of the earthly father-role in my 25 years. These men include my older brother, grandfather, men from my church and even a few professors and teaching mentors. Not to mention, I was given an incredible mother, who did her best to serve her family as if she were two people! I have never been lacking what I need, nor am I sure I would know what I may have missed out on in my formative years. In reality, I believe God has always provided me with what would shape me best for the next task.
Yesterday, some hopeful news from a friend turned into less hopeful news, which was probably a hard thing for the family involved. My heart is breaking over the situation because I can see fear and fearful things knocking at the door, tempting to steal the joy, hope and peace that have been so well established among them. I desperately want to help, but have no idea what to do currently besides pray and offer whatever encouragement I can. I suppose this is the point faith enters to inflict some damage on those fears. God is sovereign.
Ok. So what connects these two stories? And what do they have to do with a girl going to Nashville to serve through her music?
Since the second is not my story to tell, I will leave it up to you as the reader to interpret how you wish. This family needs prayer, so if you feel inclined, please pray for healing, strength, hope, faith and wisdom. Thank you.
My objective in writing was to provide encouragement. God tends to move my heart through music and song lyrics, so when I practiced last night with the Calvary Praise Band, this song had me nearly in tears. There are fathers who are well and refuse to be there, and there are fathers who are not well and still give all they are to connect and serve in whatever way they are able. Regardless, God is our Heavenly Father, and will not let us down. His purposes may be beyond our understanding, but we can trust they are good and that He will provide everything we need and more.
Think back to the chorus of the song above. Imagine the greatest, most heartfelt embrace you have experienced. One that makes you feel safe, understood, cared for. That is only a shadow of God's embrace. He is there with open arms. Run.
Forever Reign
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
Above is the chorus to Hillsong's version of "Forever Reign." It is a beautiful song, and you should definitely watch the YouTube video and read the rest of the lyrics at the end of this post.
For those who do not know, I grew up without my father in my life. Yes, he is still walking and talking today, but does not seem to care to forge a relationship with his oldest daughter. I have come to forgive this man in order to have an open door to relationship, but he will not take it...yet.
Because of this man not being there, God has taken a very special place as father in my life. Where my own father was fearful, God was trustworthy and fearless. Where the man was absent, my God was present, indwelling- closer than any person can be or will be. Where I might have been considered a "mistake," God adopted me, calling me to a purpose, and that is where I stand today.
Not only has God given me Himself, but He has provided me with incredible testimonies of what Godly men look like who have taken on parts of the earthly father-role in my 25 years. These men include my older brother, grandfather, men from my church and even a few professors and teaching mentors. Not to mention, I was given an incredible mother, who did her best to serve her family as if she were two people! I have never been lacking what I need, nor am I sure I would know what I may have missed out on in my formative years. In reality, I believe God has always provided me with what would shape me best for the next task.
Yesterday, some hopeful news from a friend turned into less hopeful news, which was probably a hard thing for the family involved. My heart is breaking over the situation because I can see fear and fearful things knocking at the door, tempting to steal the joy, hope and peace that have been so well established among them. I desperately want to help, but have no idea what to do currently besides pray and offer whatever encouragement I can. I suppose this is the point faith enters to inflict some damage on those fears. God is sovereign.
Ok. So what connects these two stories? And what do they have to do with a girl going to Nashville to serve through her music?
Since the second is not my story to tell, I will leave it up to you as the reader to interpret how you wish. This family needs prayer, so if you feel inclined, please pray for healing, strength, hope, faith and wisdom. Thank you.
My objective in writing was to provide encouragement. God tends to move my heart through music and song lyrics, so when I practiced last night with the Calvary Praise Band, this song had me nearly in tears. There are fathers who are well and refuse to be there, and there are fathers who are not well and still give all they are to connect and serve in whatever way they are able. Regardless, God is our Heavenly Father, and will not let us down. His purposes may be beyond our understanding, but we can trust they are good and that He will provide everything we need and more.
Think back to the chorus of the song above. Imagine the greatest, most heartfelt embrace you have experienced. One that makes you feel safe, understood, cared for. That is only a shadow of God's embrace. He is there with open arms. Run.
Forever Reign
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus
Friday, November 4, 2011
It's a Start
Well, readers, I have good news! I landed my first gig since relocating to the South!
It isn't huge and it isn't permanent, but it is good. I will be subbing in with the Huntsville Symphony for both Pops series in December! Yes, it is a classical gig, but I am MORE than happy to play my instrument- and get paid to do it! Hopefully this will lead to getting better connected to the musicians in my new region of residence. My feeling is that God is giving me some encouragement right now. I can tell more of His provision. I can take joy in meeting a new challenge with a fine orchestra. I can do what I do well in a new community of people. For this I am thankful. I pray this is only the beginning (and I have every reason to believe that there is more to come!)
On the flip side, I found out a dear friend of mine, whose dream came true in being cast on Broadway, was just told her show has been postponed indefinitely. She may never get the chance to perform her role (swing/understudy to the leading lady) in this show. She is disappointed and I am disappointed for her. There is good in knowing she was cast. That she is worthy of such a role, but questions have to be going through her head and heart about why her dreams came so close- only to be "postponed indefinitely."
I had a similar experience when I thought things were going to work out to play for BarlowGirl last December. God had placed this thing on my heart to be ready to go on a moment's notice for something like that. I even had a bag packed for a month prior because the conviction was so strong (not specifically Barlowgirl- but any band that needed a fill- in violinist). And then, against all odds, I was asked to play. I couldn't believe it. I probably called every close friend and family member who had been praying for this very thing at 11:30 at night. 36 hours later, I was told it would not work out because of the price of plane tickets. It was a huge disappointment. I really pressed into God for answers as to His purpose in it not "working out." I prayed they wouldn't forget me. God answered that HE hadn't forgotten me- and never will. This has given me peace and strength to go forward in faith, and what a journey it has been so far (um...no reference intended, but that did work well, didn't it?)! Bring on the next thing, Lord. Make me ready!
It isn't huge and it isn't permanent, but it is good. I will be subbing in with the Huntsville Symphony for both Pops series in December! Yes, it is a classical gig, but I am MORE than happy to play my instrument- and get paid to do it! Hopefully this will lead to getting better connected to the musicians in my new region of residence. My feeling is that God is giving me some encouragement right now. I can tell more of His provision. I can take joy in meeting a new challenge with a fine orchestra. I can do what I do well in a new community of people. For this I am thankful. I pray this is only the beginning (and I have every reason to believe that there is more to come!)
On the flip side, I found out a dear friend of mine, whose dream came true in being cast on Broadway, was just told her show has been postponed indefinitely. She may never get the chance to perform her role (swing/understudy to the leading lady) in this show. She is disappointed and I am disappointed for her. There is good in knowing she was cast. That she is worthy of such a role, but questions have to be going through her head and heart about why her dreams came so close- only to be "postponed indefinitely."
I had a similar experience when I thought things were going to work out to play for BarlowGirl last December. God had placed this thing on my heart to be ready to go on a moment's notice for something like that. I even had a bag packed for a month prior because the conviction was so strong (not specifically Barlowgirl- but any band that needed a fill- in violinist). And then, against all odds, I was asked to play. I couldn't believe it. I probably called every close friend and family member who had been praying for this very thing at 11:30 at night. 36 hours later, I was told it would not work out because of the price of plane tickets. It was a huge disappointment. I really pressed into God for answers as to His purpose in it not "working out." I prayed they wouldn't forget me. God answered that HE hadn't forgotten me- and never will. This has given me peace and strength to go forward in faith, and what a journey it has been so far (um...no reference intended, but that did work well, didn't it?)! Bring on the next thing, Lord. Make me ready!
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