Quick post day!
I made it to my house south of Nashville tonight. It is amazing. The stars are incredible. Cool Springs has a Panera. Also had a good time getting to know the new roommate and the house's story. Wow, am I blessed! Now to sleep!
Good night!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Blessings
Tomorrow, I leave Fargo. I plan to fly back for Symphony rehearsals/concerts, but I will be making Tennessee my home. I can't believe this is upon us. Or how good it really is!
I've been blessed by my family, friends and church with some really wonderful send-offs, which I have been careful to remember for days I feel lonely in a new territory with a new journey.
I have also been blessed with a vision. It might sound cliché, but I do hope to play in a band doing ministry. This has been on my heart for quite some time, and the time has now come to pour my life into others in this fashion for the purpose of encouragement, worship, and proclaiming THE good news.
Every worry, every concern, every prayer, has been heard by my God, who has taken care of it and given me peace. Just two days ago, I was feeling restless about wanting a friend/fellowship in Tennessee, when I received an email from a quite unexpected source, telling me they were praying for me and sharing opportunities, plans and advice for when I settle into my new place. Such astounding joy replaced the heavy burden of the unknown nearly instantly. Praise God!
Even though the situation in which I find myself in just two days may be slightly out-of-the ordinary, especially for me, I cannot help but see God's hand in it all. It is all too perfect- too beautifully orchestrated with impeccable detail- for it to be anything besides.
Time to get the car ready!
I've been blessed by my family, friends and church with some really wonderful send-offs, which I have been careful to remember for days I feel lonely in a new territory with a new journey.
I have also been blessed with a vision. It might sound cliché, but I do hope to play in a band doing ministry. This has been on my heart for quite some time, and the time has now come to pour my life into others in this fashion for the purpose of encouragement, worship, and proclaiming THE good news.
Every worry, every concern, every prayer, has been heard by my God, who has taken care of it and given me peace. Just two days ago, I was feeling restless about wanting a friend/fellowship in Tennessee, when I received an email from a quite unexpected source, telling me they were praying for me and sharing opportunities, plans and advice for when I settle into my new place. Such astounding joy replaced the heavy burden of the unknown nearly instantly. Praise God!
Even though the situation in which I find myself in just two days may be slightly out-of-the ordinary, especially for me, I cannot help but see God's hand in it all. It is all too perfect- too beautifully orchestrated with impeccable detail- for it to be anything besides.
Time to get the car ready!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Oh, foolishness
With the kinds of responses I have gotten from my latest post, I am guessing that may just have been a great example of that foolishness that has the power to humble a person... the post carried with it the air of cynicism, which is something that has no place in me or this blog. So, I am reevaluating. I am learning. I am straining toward what is ahead. I want this blog to reflect that and the God I trust (and learn to trust more by the day). Thanks for reading and for walking this walk alongside me!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
"Hope it works out for you there..."
In retrospect, and after reading a very thoughtful comment from a dear friend/mentor of mine, I would like to say, before you read this, that I know the words about which I write (see the title) are meant, for the most part, in love. If any of you read this and have said these words, know that I KNOW you mean well. At this point of the journey, I am fighting back my own fears of inadequacy, and that sometimes affects the way I interpret words sent my way.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's post is a bit of a rant. Not a hateful or needlessly angry rant. Perhaps more of an impassioned essay. Anyway, here it is.
Since I have moved back home with my mom and brother, Carter, and with that the beginning of the school year, I have been approached by more people than I thought I knew about my plans for this fall.
Most of these are people from church or friends of close friends who wish to confirm a rumor they heard about my not teaching and moving to Tennessee. At this point, with the big move very much upon us, I am more than content to share my story. It usually goes something like this:
Person: "Hi, Kelly! Is it true you are moving? When do you go?"
Me: "Hi, (Insert Person's name here)! Yes, it is! The plan right now is to leave for the Nashville area after church on the 25th."
Person: "Oh, wow! So you're not teaching...?"
Me: "Nope! Not teaching this year. I feel that the Lord has been nudging my heart, especially over the past two years, to pursue full-time ministry with my music, and Tennessee is the place He has been pointing to. This is the time I can do it too- 25, single, no kids, and no mortgage.* There are things I can do now in my life I may not be available to do in a future season."
Person: "What do you plan to do there? Do you have a place to live?"
Me: "No job yet, but I am looking into substitute teaching to supplement my income, when needed. That will free me up to do auditions and visit churches, make connections and see what God has for me."
Person: "We'll really miss you here in Fargo!"
Me: "And I'll miss you! But, I plan to fly back for all of the Symphony concerts I am able to play, so it won't be like I am GONE gone."
Person: "Oh, that's good. How long do you plan to be in Nashville?"
Me: "At least a year, maybe indefinitely."
Person: "Well, I hope it works out for you there. And you can always come back if it doesn't."
Thoughts?
Has anyone else been dealt these words?
Now, I know they are meant in love. I know these words come from those who have supported and lifted me up in one way or another, possibly my entire life. Unfortunately, these words speak a message of failure to my heart.
Point #1- The Lord is leading me.
Proverbs 1:7 clearly states that "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom." If I do not respond to the call of God, woe to me! He has made it abundantly clear that I need to go. If He calls me to go, then He will provide. He has already blessed me with an awesome place to live, near relatives, and a Christian roommate who is connected to a church family. All this, and you think God would not also provide opportunities to minister? Opportunities to use my gifts, my music for His Glory? I have no doubt there will be opportunities to serve, if I make myself available and willing.
I might also note that I am NOT going to Nashville to "make it big." I have been blessed with resources on which to live for at least a year so that I might do what I can do to the fullest. If playing in teeny tiny rural churches with nothing but an out of tune piano is my calling, I will glorify God in my work, with heart and soul.** If God calls me to tour with a well-known group, I will work so God may be glorified in the same way. It doesn't matter. The money doesn't matter (God will provide what I need, when I need it). My open hands matter. My willing heart matters. I am going to serve, not to become famous. And if that purpose ever changes in my heart, please smack some sense into me!
Point#2- This phrase is not often used in familiar situations.
Below is a series of examples that would be preposterous situations for the phrase "I hope it works out for you there." This phrase has the potential, in certain circumstances, to inspire a sense of failure and lack of trust. Read the example and imagine telling a person "I hope it works out for you there. If it doesn't work, you can always come back." You'll get the idea- especially with regards to ministry positions.
a) Going to college.
b) Getting Married.
c) First day of work at a new job.
d) Missionary seeking support and going to an assignment in a foreign country
e) Pastor being called to a new assignment (Or, like Francis Chan, who left the church he started to serve people in inner-city San Francisco)
Keep in mind that when God says, "Go," a contingency plan is not needed. When Lot's wife so much as looked back, she turned into a pillar of salt. Hmm. Something to think about.
Notes
* These are not bad things. In fact, these are very good things I hope to have and steward someday. Today, however, I need to walk in my current calling. Tomorrow could be different. But I can't do anything about that, now can I?
**If you want to hear an amazing song about calling and glorifying God in the most humble ways, listen to the song, "Anyplace," by Reilly (formerly John Reilly Band). SO. GOOD. Might this be the continual state of my heart toward service.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's post is a bit of a rant. Not a hateful or needlessly angry rant. Perhaps more of an impassioned essay. Anyway, here it is.
Since I have moved back home with my mom and brother, Carter, and with that the beginning of the school year, I have been approached by more people than I thought I knew about my plans for this fall.
Most of these are people from church or friends of close friends who wish to confirm a rumor they heard about my not teaching and moving to Tennessee. At this point, with the big move very much upon us, I am more than content to share my story. It usually goes something like this:
Person: "Hi, Kelly! Is it true you are moving? When do you go?"
Me: "Hi, (Insert Person's name here)! Yes, it is! The plan right now is to leave for the Nashville area after church on the 25th."
Person: "Oh, wow! So you're not teaching...?"
Me: "Nope! Not teaching this year. I feel that the Lord has been nudging my heart, especially over the past two years, to pursue full-time ministry with my music, and Tennessee is the place He has been pointing to. This is the time I can do it too- 25, single, no kids, and no mortgage.* There are things I can do now in my life I may not be available to do in a future season."
Person: "What do you plan to do there? Do you have a place to live?"
Me: "No job yet, but I am looking into substitute teaching to supplement my income, when needed. That will free me up to do auditions and visit churches, make connections and see what God has for me."
Person: "We'll really miss you here in Fargo!"
Me: "And I'll miss you! But, I plan to fly back for all of the Symphony concerts I am able to play, so it won't be like I am GONE gone."
Person: "Oh, that's good. How long do you plan to be in Nashville?"
Me: "At least a year, maybe indefinitely."
Person: "Well, I hope it works out for you there. And you can always come back if it doesn't."
Thoughts?
Has anyone else been dealt these words?
Now, I know they are meant in love. I know these words come from those who have supported and lifted me up in one way or another, possibly my entire life. Unfortunately, these words speak a message of failure to my heart.
Point #1- The Lord is leading me.
Proverbs 1:7 clearly states that "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom." If I do not respond to the call of God, woe to me! He has made it abundantly clear that I need to go. If He calls me to go, then He will provide. He has already blessed me with an awesome place to live, near relatives, and a Christian roommate who is connected to a church family. All this, and you think God would not also provide opportunities to minister? Opportunities to use my gifts, my music for His Glory? I have no doubt there will be opportunities to serve, if I make myself available and willing.
I might also note that I am NOT going to Nashville to "make it big." I have been blessed with resources on which to live for at least a year so that I might do what I can do to the fullest. If playing in teeny tiny rural churches with nothing but an out of tune piano is my calling, I will glorify God in my work, with heart and soul.** If God calls me to tour with a well-known group, I will work so God may be glorified in the same way. It doesn't matter. The money doesn't matter (God will provide what I need, when I need it). My open hands matter. My willing heart matters. I am going to serve, not to become famous. And if that purpose ever changes in my heart, please smack some sense into me!
Point#2- This phrase is not often used in familiar situations.
Below is a series of examples that would be preposterous situations for the phrase "I hope it works out for you there." This phrase has the potential, in certain circumstances, to inspire a sense of failure and lack of trust. Read the example and imagine telling a person "I hope it works out for you there. If it doesn't work, you can always come back." You'll get the idea- especially with regards to ministry positions.
a) Going to college.
b) Getting Married.
c) First day of work at a new job.
d) Missionary seeking support and going to an assignment in a foreign country
e) Pastor being called to a new assignment (Or, like Francis Chan, who left the church he started to serve people in inner-city San Francisco)
Keep in mind that when God says, "Go," a contingency plan is not needed. When Lot's wife so much as looked back, she turned into a pillar of salt. Hmm. Something to think about.
Notes
* These are not bad things. In fact, these are very good things I hope to have and steward someday. Today, however, I need to walk in my current calling. Tomorrow could be different. But I can't do anything about that, now can I?
**If you want to hear an amazing song about calling and glorifying God in the most humble ways, listen to the song, "Anyplace," by Reilly (formerly John Reilly Band). SO. GOOD. Might this be the continual state of my heart toward service.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Checklist T-16 days
16 days...
Being Kelly Aus, I naturally gravitate toward the busy end of the use-of-time spectrum. Even though I am not teaching in the conventional sense, I am running around like crazy- and feeling like I am getting nothing done.
My schedule for the past few days has involved many hours at Great Harvest Bread in the mornings and early afternoons followed by a shower, possibly a quick nap, lessons, errands, get-togethers/send-offs, and meetings. While these are important, it dawned on me today that I have just over 2 weeks to do everything I need to do in Fargo before I go off to Nashville, and I know little about what I am doing in Nashville once I get there. Much as I don't like them, I am in a bit of a "pickle."
For my friends who might be praying over me and this journey, as well as for my own sense of accountability, here is my Nashville checklist. Enjoy. And may I rely on God's strength get me through it!
Being Kelly Aus, I naturally gravitate toward the busy end of the use-of-time spectrum. Even though I am not teaching in the conventional sense, I am running around like crazy- and feeling like I am getting nothing done.
My schedule for the past few days has involved many hours at Great Harvest Bread in the mornings and early afternoons followed by a shower, possibly a quick nap, lessons, errands, get-togethers/send-offs, and meetings. While these are important, it dawned on me today that I have just over 2 weeks to do everything I need to do in Fargo before I go off to Nashville, and I know little about what I am doing in Nashville once I get there. Much as I don't like them, I am in a bit of a "pickle."
For my friends who might be praying over me and this journey, as well as for my own sense of accountability, here is my Nashville checklist. Enjoy. And may I rely on God's strength get me through it!
- Send an email to my relatives outlining my specific plans/understood calling so they may lift me up on this journey, and so I might encourage them with stories of God's working in my life & the lives of those I encounter.
- GET RID OF STUFF. Sell it; Give it away; Designate what to keep; Decide what to bring now and later.
- Mail a gift to my sister (which is long-overdue... Sorry Katie! I owe you a phone call too!)
- Give my friend and former roommate, Jen, a proper send-off before she moves to Paris, France.
- Communicate with the rest of my private lesson students my plans for the year and help set them up with new teachers.
- Create a detailed budget- in addition to the very basic one I have.
- Get the VW in for an oil change.
- Make a list of addresses of good friends.
- Eat at the Green Market and eat a JL Beer's burger at least once, respectively.
- Buy a plane ticket to come back for my first Symphony Week.
- Get legally set up in TN for subbing, etc.
- Finalize critical details for the Reilly concert and find helpers to carry on some of my duties while I'm gone.
- Do not let a day go by without A)Quality time in the Bible B)Quiet time in prayer C)Practicing violin
- Make sure my website is up and running. Print business cards. Record new sound samples.
- Start looking for potential opportunities in Nashville. (Most of this will happen once I am down there, settling in.)
- ENJOY HOME AND FAMILY. So easy to forget, but so crucial. I am so blessed to be here and blessed to have these people in my life.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Have Faith!
After a 4 hour drive through the night, my friends, Neil & Lindsey and Shane & Melinda and I arrived back in Fargo-Moorhead. Just before 5am. On a Sunday. With all of us in charge of leading worship at our respective churches early in the morning. Why?
We attended a day at the Lifelight Music Festival in Worthing (close to Sioux Falls), SD, and it was amazing. Hearing the Gospel never gets old. Being convicted of sin, pride and fear is refreshing and challenging. Encouragement through music and musicians fills one’s tank to go on to the next thing. And getting to witness Francis Chan & his message was…well…amazing. Praise God! He used this and the messages from the bands (namely Reilly, Sanctus Real, and Tenth Avenue North) to soften my heart for the work He is doing in me.
Hebrews 11:1 states, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
I was deeply convicted at this festival as I was conversing with friends from one of the bands. They asked me how my plans to move to Nashville were shaping up, if I had a place to live and where, and if I had any gigs lined up. As I explained where I was living, again SO grateful to God for his awesome provision, I allowed myself to let the faithlessness thing slip through.
I said, “The location is amazing because it is less than 5 miles from 3 different school districts. That way, I can always substitute teach.” To which I received the response, “Is it your goal to teach there?”
Um…No. It’s not. Not at all.
Oof. You see, I have been working in my head- which tends to seep into the heart- ways to explain my move while seeming “wise.” I have rehearsed and rehearsed this same response and practiced it on many of my colleagues, students and even church members. It is almost as if I have emphasized my “plan B” over my “plan A” because “plan A” requires absolute surrender and trust in God to lead and provide. And THAT, my friends, is difficult to explain.
Unless you are speaking face-to-face with someone who is living “plan A” every day of their lives.
It is speaking to this person that makes “plan B” complete and utter foolishness. After all, if God is calling me to music ministry in Nashville, what makes me think He won’t follow through? Why am I afraid of not having enough when the call is to surrender everything? Why do I think I need to cover my tracks with expectations and suppositions that God can’t do the work through me that I quit my job and am leaving my home to be available to do? As in- I better make sure I don’t look foolish because God can’t or won’t. Because certainly. I CAN.
How arrogant and faithless is that?
Where do I get off with this thinking upon entering MINISTRY?
How will I ever know God’s strength when I decide not to lean on Him?
How will I ever have a testimony worth sharing if I have never truly had to trust Him and act faithfully myself?
What hypocrisy to proclaim the Good News publically as a musician, yet not live a sincere and broken response to that very message?
I am in the midst of addressing these things in my heart and trusting the Holy Spirit to change my heart to be fully committed to and in love with Him. Take away my pride, arrogance and fear so I may live fearlessly in the light of the Gospel. I want nothing hindering God’s work in and through me. May my testimony be that of faith and power to those who need to hear about God. God, use me. Might I become a catalyst of the sharing of your Gospel for the saving of many. Amen.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Holiness
First, an update:
I haven't written anything in a while because I have recently had my wisdom teeth out (hastily, while I still had insurance through the school system) and moved out of my apartment and back in with my family for the next 3.5 weeks. Whew! Praise God for an excellent surgeon and a smooth recovery so far! And also, for a family who is willing to have me back, and even help me haul my stuff across town.
So, a few days ago, I was met with a conviction. That of true holiness. You know, that "set apart for the glory of God" kind of holiness.
The world is full of compromises and even commandments that belittle the Word of God. This isn't new to our culture. Jesus addresses it with the pharisees putting their own traditions before the commands of God, even to the point of contradicting them. (see Mark 7:6-13 below)
I had wondered why Jesus chose to speak about teaching regarding the honoring of father and mother and not some other teaching. Later that morning, I got frustrated with my mother because I wanted her to be more decisive about whether we were going to coffee that morning. It was absolutely stupid of me- we go for coffee all the time, and I should have been patient with the other things she was doing that morning, but I chose instead to be selfish, arrogant, and frustrated. I reacted instead of having compassion and faith that we would have time to discuss what needed to be discussed just staying at home. I opened my mouth too wide and felt immense pain because it pulled on the stitches still in from my surgery. I felt it all day as a reminder of having learned my lesson. I need to be more mature than this. I need to deepen my faith that God will provide and that it is never fair to project perfection onto an imperfect human being. God meets us with compassion so that we may meet our brethren with the same compassion. I was quickly convicted, repented and was reconciled to my mother who forgave me for the pain I caused her.
All this got me thinking of what it means to be holy. To choose the better way. To go against feelings and lean on God's Truth. It is so easy to get sucked into a "whatever feels right" mentality, but that so often is contrary to what IS right. Often, when we are reactive, that results from an inability (or choice not) to trust God. He has so many promises for us that He fulfills daily.
This illustration came to mind. Think about two single people. They both lead lives committed to the Lord and hope to one day meet their spouse and be able to give all they are to that person, without baggage and without regret. One of the two, after waiting a long time and seeing others enter into relationships that are not holy-or not of the standard of their conviction, begins to wane on faith that there will ever be a complement to them. This person, instead of pursuing God during this time, allows their view to be broadened, eventually allowing the attention of another to grasp their time and attention. This causes confusion and eventually a blurring of boundaries- not far at all by the world's standards, but definitely not holding to the original conviction in the end. This eventually ends, but leaves some hurt and baggage that would not be there had they remained aware of the warnings. This person begins to believe that standards are possible, but that everyone has baggage, so this person needs to learn how to forgive and accept past sin instead of holding out for one who has continued to pursue holiness. The other single person remains steadfast. At once, these two meet, both seemingly "holy" by the world's standards, but the one's sin (lack of faith) magnified by the other's real, tested and true faith. The sinner has every right to be turned away by the holy person, just as God has every right to turn us away with our sin (or rather, pride and unfaithfulness).
What does God do, however?
He loves us. He heals us. He sacrificed that which was most valuable for us. He shows us another way so we can live, follow, grow and be complete. He desires our holiness, but we can't know that based on man's standards. We know love, holiness because he desires that we know Him.
How grateful I am for a God such as this. May I forever be challenged by His love and the life He gives me so willingly, despite what is deserved!
Mark 7:6-13
6 He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:
I haven't written anything in a while because I have recently had my wisdom teeth out (hastily, while I still had insurance through the school system) and moved out of my apartment and back in with my family for the next 3.5 weeks. Whew! Praise God for an excellent surgeon and a smooth recovery so far! And also, for a family who is willing to have me back, and even help me haul my stuff across town.
So, a few days ago, I was met with a conviction. That of true holiness. You know, that "set apart for the glory of God" kind of holiness.
The world is full of compromises and even commandments that belittle the Word of God. This isn't new to our culture. Jesus addresses it with the pharisees putting their own traditions before the commands of God, even to the point of contradicting them. (see Mark 7:6-13 below)
I had wondered why Jesus chose to speak about teaching regarding the honoring of father and mother and not some other teaching. Later that morning, I got frustrated with my mother because I wanted her to be more decisive about whether we were going to coffee that morning. It was absolutely stupid of me- we go for coffee all the time, and I should have been patient with the other things she was doing that morning, but I chose instead to be selfish, arrogant, and frustrated. I reacted instead of having compassion and faith that we would have time to discuss what needed to be discussed just staying at home. I opened my mouth too wide and felt immense pain because it pulled on the stitches still in from my surgery. I felt it all day as a reminder of having learned my lesson. I need to be more mature than this. I need to deepen my faith that God will provide and that it is never fair to project perfection onto an imperfect human being. God meets us with compassion so that we may meet our brethren with the same compassion. I was quickly convicted, repented and was reconciled to my mother who forgave me for the pain I caused her.
All this got me thinking of what it means to be holy. To choose the better way. To go against feelings and lean on God's Truth. It is so easy to get sucked into a "whatever feels right" mentality, but that so often is contrary to what IS right. Often, when we are reactive, that results from an inability (or choice not) to trust God. He has so many promises for us that He fulfills daily.
This illustration came to mind. Think about two single people. They both lead lives committed to the Lord and hope to one day meet their spouse and be able to give all they are to that person, without baggage and without regret. One of the two, after waiting a long time and seeing others enter into relationships that are not holy-or not of the standard of their conviction, begins to wane on faith that there will ever be a complement to them. This person, instead of pursuing God during this time, allows their view to be broadened, eventually allowing the attention of another to grasp their time and attention. This causes confusion and eventually a blurring of boundaries- not far at all by the world's standards, but definitely not holding to the original conviction in the end. This eventually ends, but leaves some hurt and baggage that would not be there had they remained aware of the warnings. This person begins to believe that standards are possible, but that everyone has baggage, so this person needs to learn how to forgive and accept past sin instead of holding out for one who has continued to pursue holiness. The other single person remains steadfast. At once, these two meet, both seemingly "holy" by the world's standards, but the one's sin (lack of faith) magnified by the other's real, tested and true faith. The sinner has every right to be turned away by the holy person, just as God has every right to turn us away with our sin (or rather, pride and unfaithfulness).
What does God do, however?
He loves us. He heals us. He sacrificed that which was most valuable for us. He shows us another way so we can live, follow, grow and be complete. He desires our holiness, but we can't know that based on man's standards. We know love, holiness because he desires that we know Him.
How grateful I am for a God such as this. May I forever be challenged by His love and the life He gives me so willingly, despite what is deserved!
Mark 7:6-13
6 He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:
“‘These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
7 They worship me in vain;
their teachings are merely human rules.’[b]
8 You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.”
9 And he continued, “You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe[c] your own traditions! 10 For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’[d] and, ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’[e] 11 But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is Corban (that is, devoted to God)— 12 then you no longer let them do anything for their father or mother. 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that."
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